By Fizza Zehra
Photo from Unsplash
My mother switched on the lights. Schools got closed, two cases of covid-19 have
come to light. Without even opening my eyes, I muttered in my sleep “yayyy,
physics exam got cancelled” and went back to the world of imagination. I was in
10 th grade at that time. We head boards in a few months and the pre boards got
cancelled. I was happy. A few months later and the boards got cancelled. I was
happier. We passed without studying. The best news at that time. It was now April
and the next semester didn’t begin until July. I was the happiest I could be.
Enjoying the next four months relaxing. No pressure, no studies, nothing at all.
But three months into it and all the happiness started to fade away. I did not like
sitting at home doing nothing all day anymore. But I did not hate it enough to do
something about it. A few weeks later, I had my first online class. I was excited. I
would finally get to meet new people, new teachers and everything would be
okay once again (said my hope). Two months into the online classes and I didn’t
understand a thing. I still didn’t do anything about it. What could have I possibly
done anyway, I couldn’t stop procrastinating. Few more months and everything
seemed to get worse. I couldn’t concentrate on any of my classes. I couldn’t do
any activity I previously loved doing. I couldn’t even get myself to write (it was
something I was crazy passionate about). All my feelings, emotions eventually
started disappearing. I wouldn’t feel anything at all. I was living in a void. No
matter how hard I tried, I wouldn’t just be able to focus on anything. The
frustration within me just kept growing and I had no way to wash away my
anxiety. I thought I would explode and just everything felt frustrating. I couldn’t
step out of my house, I couldn’t meet my friends, talk to people, have fun. Then
happened my midterm exams and my grades dropped to a point they never did
before. Another stress to my already stressful life. My mother wasn’t happy at all,
nor was I. she was worried I won’t be able to achieve my dreams. She couldn’t see
me shatter. I can’t even blame her. I was disappointed in myself as well. Maybe even
more than her. That’s when I decided I cannot keep this to myself. I have to
accept the “new normal” because blaming corona for all my carelessness wasn’t
doing me any good. I applied to multiple content writing internships. I was forcing
myself to get busy. I started talking to my friends more. Though I still hate online classes as much as I did earlier. I started paying a little more attention to my
deadlines and assignments. The frustration from lack of interaction or losing
control of my life did not completely fade away but I am learning to ignore it. I
realized how school was one of the most important parts of my life. I learned how
unappreciative I was towards my everyday life. How I ignored the slightest details
that mattered the most. Corona made me realize how much I had and how little I
knew.
About the Author
Fizza is a Grade 11 student from Pakistan who loves to read and write. The idea of being able to cage your words was always inspiring to her. Something that normally people wouldn't know about her is that she loves to teach! Interacting with young children was always a fun thing for her to do.